It's been a while....

Where has the time gone. Sorry it's been so long since my last post, it's been kind of busy. 

Travis came home the end of September. YAY!! Mom, Tara, Brandon and I got up bright and early to pick him up at the airport. I could barely sleep the night before because I was so excited to see him and wrap my arms around him. He will be home till November 3rd and then will return just before I have the baby. Prayers that I will go the whole 40 weeks, so he won't have to come back too early. He has planned secret trip the week of my fall break. I can't wait to see what he has planned. Here are a few shots of when we picked him up.

I am now 20 weeks along meaning we are halfway till our baby's debut. I have been feeling much better with the sickness pretty much gone and my appetite is back with a vengeance. I have been having serious migraines, but Dr. Potter says it's normal. We had a big gender reveal party hosted by my mom, sister and best friend, TJ. Trav was in town and was able to attend his first ultrasound. The nurse put the gender reveal sonogram pictures in a sealed envelop and we took it to my mom, sister, and bestie to open when we left. That evening, surrounded by our closest family and friends, it was revealed that we would welcome a precious baby girl in March. I was pretty excited to say the least. Trav had his heart set on a boy, but is coming to terms with having a sweet girl. Now we just have to agree on a name....stayed tuned! 

8 weeks and counting

I went for another ultrasound today to make sure everything was growing as it should and to recheck my levels. My dear Katelyn from Savannah drove up to be with me since everyone else was working or out of town. I was so excited she was there to experience it along with me. Baby Toborg is growing perfectly! Dr. Perloe was just as happy and excited as I was. Baby is measuring on target at 8 weeks and 4 days with a strong heartbeat of 173 BPM. Baby was jumping around and wiggly today and it was so exciting to see it. I just can't wait till I can feel those movements! Since everything was perfect, they sadly dismissed me to my regular OB-GYN doctor. I tried to talked him into delivering for me, but he said all he does is get women pregnant and send them on their way....lol I will miss the amazing staff. They are the sweetest and most supportive team I have ever come in contact with. BUT I am definitely not going to miss that drive. I should see Dr. Potter in the next 10 days once they receive my records and then it will be smooth sailing till March 1st and we get to meet this precious, precious baby!.

Until next time....

BLT & Peanut

Party of 3 coming soon!

Travis and I are happy to announce that after two miscarriages and three years of praying and trying we are pregnant!! The baby is measuring at 7 weeks and 2 days with an estimated delivery date of March 1st, which is the day daddy should be coming home. Perfect timing, right? My mom went with me to the ultrasound and all I could do was smile when I saw the sac and fetus inside. As he zoomed in I saw the flickering of the heartbeat and all I could do was cry tears of joy. We have waited so long for this moment and all I can do is thank God to finally reach this point. It would have been even better to experience it with Travis. We still have a long eight months to go, but we are so thankful and excited. I have not had any complications as I did during the first transfer and I just knew this was going to be our time! Dr. Perloe said that everything looked perfect and the heartbeat sounded good and strong at 132 BPM. He felt very confident that things would progress successfully from here on out. I have another ultrasound next week and after that I should be released to my regular OB doctor.

I want to thank each and every one of you for being such a huge support system for Travis and I over the past three years during our journey to parenthood. I know that without your constant prayers we would not be celebrating today. I am overwhelmed with all the love we have received and can not express how much it means to us.

Until next time....

Barbara & Baby

Peace & Hope

I am once again overwhelmed by the abundance of love, support, prayers, and words of encouragement we've received the past few days. Travis and I are so grateful that we have involved ourselves with so many great people and will never be able to express our gratitude for all your kindness and love.

The past few days have been just awful for me. The news of my unsuccessful pregnancy completely tore my heart into pieces yet again. I consider myself a strong woman and can handle mostly anything. However, I truly thought this long road was over and we were finally going to start our family. But the news of another miscarriage, a rather expensive miscarriage I might add, shattered me and my spirit yet again. For those of you who have never experienced a miscarriage, I would equate it to a death. It's is just like grieving the death of someone you know and love. For me, this means being alone and just getting it out like a baby. So, Wednesday evening and all day yesterday was spent grieving my loss the way that I handle a loss. I began to question everything: maybe I ate something I shouldn't have, maybe I picked up something that was too heavy, maybe I shouldn't have taken that warm bath, maybe I slept the wrong way, maybe there is something wrong with my uterus causing me not to have a successful pregnancy...the questions and scenarios filled my head all day long. I also began to question if IVF will work for us after all the money we have spent. It was a total pity part...I won't lie. I spent all day in bed with the occasional break down when my mind would get to wondering again. I talked about it with a few close girlfriends and my family which helped a little. Last night, Travis forced me to talk about what was going through my head and how I felt. I am so thankful to have him to go through this with. He is my rock when I am shattered and knows when I'm really not "fine" and forces me to discuss what I'm feeling. I get frustrated in the moment, but I'm thankful for his strength when I'm weak. There is nobody else I would go through this with.

I woke up today and had so much peace. I know there is no reason on stressing over something that I can't change or control. I will never know what happened and why this pregnancy was unsuccessful. I have to look at the positive. I am thankful that we have 6 more embryos waiting. I am confident that out of those 6 we will have at least one successful pregnancy lead to a healthy baby if not more. I have to take it one day at a time, but I am a strong woman and I will overcome this bump in our long journey. I use to question God of why I have to go through this, but I know that I am going through it for a reason. He would not put me through it if he didn't think I could overcome it. I have gone through so many different emotional stages throughout this journey. I know now that I am going through this in order to help others who face the same struggles. I have met many different women and some close friends that face infertility issues and I am able to be there for them and offer them comfort and advise because of my experience. As frustrated as I have been with this journey, I know it is so that I can reach out and help others during their time of need.

Am I completely over this second failed pregnancy? Not at all. Will I ever get over my second miscarriage? I'm sure I will one day. Right now, I have peace with what has happened and I am taking everyday one step at a time. I am eager to go to the doctor Wednesday. I am ready to get up, dust myself off and try again.

Until next time....

-BLT

Numb

Well....today was my ultrasound. I tossed and turned all night and didn't get much sleep from being so nervous and anxious of what today may hold. Mom, dad, and Tara went with me this morning for my ultrasound and we received my worst nightmare. Dr. Perloe didn't see a baby. He said that it was possibly an unsuccessful pregnancy and I may have possibly already miscarried. He was worried it may even be an eptopic pregnancy (where the baby is growing in my tubes..which is still not a good thing). I was devastated. I was numb. I was speechless and just wanted to be alone for a few hours. The past few weeks I noticed a few of the pregnancy symptoms (the achy breasts, nausea, extreme fatigue) had stopped. I bought some at home pregnancy test hoping it would ease my mind. I told one last week and one this Monday and both were positive, so I thought maybe I was one of the lucky ones who doesn't get sick. My nurse called this afternoon with my blood results and said that Dr. Perloe said it wasn't a tubal pregnancy and my levels had increased since the last time they checked a few weeks ago. They would have liked them to be a little higher though. They told me to stay on my medication for another week and I go back in a week to recheck and do another ultrasound. There is a slim chance that maybe it was too early. I technically would be 7 weeks tomorrow and I know most women don't normally go until they are at lease 8 weeks. Who knows...I guess we will have yet another hopeful  and nerve wrenching week and see what next Wednesday holds for us. Thanks everyone for being there every step of the way for us...it means so much to us!

Until next time....

-BLT

5 Weeks and Counting

On this past Thursday, April 11th I entered into my 5th week of pregnancy. Aside from the tiredness I am feeling great! My afternoons usually involve a short nap if I don't have plans. As of now I am just counting the days till my first ultrasound on April 24th. I will be about 7 weeks and my nurse said we should be able to hear a heartbeat. As I progress I am beginning to wonder if there will be one or two heartbeats. I am only 5 weeks and already have a small bump. I guess we will see in 11 days. I did start spotting again yesterday. I called my nurse freaking out again (they are going to get tried of me calling every time something happens) and she assured me that it was more than likely the medications I am on since it's not a whole lot like a normal monthly cycle. Just to make me feel a little better, I did take a home test this morning and it put a smile on my face that it said pregnant. I'm so use to those things giving me bad news month after month it felt good to finally see it say pregnant! Travis is very excited about the news and wishes he could be here with me throughout the process. Originally we were planning on an European vacation in July during his time off. However, now the company is having us choose the vacation time or him here with the baby/babies are born. We've talked about this prior to him leaving and it was a hard decision for us because we know that the vacation will probably never be in our grasp again. But I got to thinking about it and really want him here with me the last few weeks of pregnancy and during delivery. He will be home the beginning of December and will be home for 45 days, which should also be majority of my maternity leave from school. I am thrilled he will be here for the delivery and I know he will be excited too!

Until next time....

-BLT & little peanut(s)

Praise the Lord!!

I am happy to announce that after my pregnancy test this morning at the doctor's office my blood test showed that WE ARE OFFICIALLY PREGNANT!! Praise the Lord!! I am still in shock and it doesn't seem real. I honestly had prepared for bad news and was a little taken back when she said I was pregnant. As for the bleeding, they are still saying it's normal and are actually putting me on a progesterone oil injection to help control the bleeding. I will be on that injection for about a month along with my vaginal Progesteron twice a day, Estridol, Metformin twice a day, baby Asprin, and my prenatal. I go back on Monday for another pregnancy test to make sure my hormone levels are increasing as they should. Not sure if there is one or two yet. I won't know that till my first ultrasound which won't be for another few weeks. It's still very, very early and I know from experience that ANYTHING can happen, but we are excited to celebrate this moment in our lives and will deal with the future as it happens. I am overwhelmed with all the love, prayers, and support that all of you have given us throughout this journey. I can not express my appreciation enough. I love each and every one of you and your friendship means the world to me.

Until next time....

-BLT & baby/babies

Freaking Out...

Just a warning...this post is a bit more detailed. 

So I've been feeling good and patiently awaiting for Friday to come so the doctor could give me my pregnancy test and tell me it worked. I've been keeping busy at work testing all week and keeping busy at home afterwards. Yesterday I began to have a slight pinkish discharge. In a panic I called my nurse. I explained how there wasn't really any cramping but this pinkish discharge. She advised me that about 90% of their IVF pregnant patients have spotting/bleeding early in the process. She assured me that I shouldn't be too alarmed and to take it easy the rest of the day and that she would see me on Friday for my test. I spent most of the afternoon sitting while I tested my students and then went straight home and crashed on the couch to catch up on my shows. I went to dinner with my mom and sister and on the way home, I felt the surge of blood and knew it couldn't be good. It was too late to call my nurse so I just cried all the way home and went to bed. I called my nurse first thing this morning and explained that I know had heavy bleeding and was concerned it was my period. I got dressed and went to work and received her phone call a few hours later. She again advised me that it could be a list of things and encouraged me to continue my medications and keep my faith and hope. I am still considered pregnant until the blood tests says otherwise. She told me that they have had multiple patients have heavy bleeding due to the medications and other issues. So....to help ease my mind she scheduled me to come in tomorrow morning for my blood test rather than waiting till Friday. I was an emotional wreck, so I got a sub and came home to rest. The bleeding has gotten heavier and clotty at times. I have never been this heavy during my regular cycles. I've been a researching fool since I got home from work and have come up with the following explanations: my period (which I pray it's not), a side effect of my Estradiol medication, a possible hematoma in my cervix due to my vaginal Progesteron I take three times a day, the loss of one of my embryos (remember we put in two), or I'm pregnant with twins (women with twins normally bleed more than those with a single child because the uterus grows and stretches at a faster rate). I'm praying this is being caused by something later in the list. I will keep everyone posted as soon as I know something tomorrow. Please pray with me tonight that this is nothing but a side effect and my precious babies have latched on and are growing perfectly. 

Until next time....

-BLT

And now...we wait!

I had my transfer performed this past Tuesday. Mom and dad went with me. It was a completely painless procedure. I had to arrive an hour before my appointment to begin drinking tons of water. They wanted me to have a full bladder because it allows them to have a better view for embryo placement in the uterus. While I was drinking, the embryologists came in with a picture of the two embryos the were looking at placing in my uterus. She said that they had progressed beautifully and she had already frozen 4 other embryos and was watching 6 more to see how they progress. Seeing the picture just excited me and I can't wait to share this whole story with them one day! After my bladder was uncomfortably full we moved into the procedure area. They placed a small catheter in and used an ultrasound probe on my stomach so they could see the placement of the catheter and embryos. The embryologist brought in the babies in another catheter and they inserted them through the other catheter into my uterus. Me, mom and dad were able to watch the whole thing on ultrasound screen. When he placed them in we saw two small white dots float across the screen. It was wild! I was able to leave immediately afterwards with a few rules, but was told to live life as normal. I has already taken off the next day because I wasn't sure how I would feel, so it was a mental health day full of resting and a few errands with my sister. The nausea started Thursday and lasted all day. An afternoon nap had become part of my everyday schedule. Friday I had a field trip at school and still felt nauseous all day and tired. On the way home from work that day I got sick and had to pull over....not my best moment...lol This weekend has been fine though. I am still tired, but the nausea has subsided a little. I'm trying not to get too excited, but I just have a feeling that this will work for us. My follow-up appointment is Friday and they will do a blood pregnancy test to see if it worked or not. The next five days will be some of the longest I will ever experience. Luckily we are testing at work, so that will make my day fly by and my dad is going out of town so I'm sure my mom will keep me busy till bedtime. I will let everyone know when I know...maybe Friday or the weekend...keep the prayers coming!!

Until next time....

-BLT

Tuesday is the big day!

My egg retrieval was this past Thursday. I didn't feel a thing and was put to sleep so the day was full of lots of laying around and sleeping. They did tell me before I left that they retrieved 24 eggs from my ovaries that morning. I returned to work the next day, which wasn't my best idea because I was dying by the end of the day in pain. My Friday night consisted of one of my besties cooking me dinner and watching a movie on the couch. My nurse called early Friday morning and informed me that out of the 24 retrieved eggs 6 of them were immature leaving 18 for them to fertilize and progress. After injecting the sperm and watching them for the day, 12 of the eggs had fertilized and were progressing nicely. The other embryos didn't make it. They called again this morning and informed me that 11 of the 12 eggs were still progressing nicely and want me to come in on Tuesday morning for my transfer. As the day approaches I get a little bit more confident and anxious. I'm hoping to have them transfer 2 embryos on Tuesday, but that will be determined when I get there on Tuesday and talk with my doctor. What they do not transfer will be frozen for later use if we need them. I will keep everyone updated how the process goes on Tuesday....

Until next time....

-BLT

It's time!!

The time has FINALLY come.... yippee!

So the cyst is gone and I've been doing nightly injections the past 10 or 12 days and driving up to the doctor for my monitoring appointments every other day. I know understand why I don't live in a big city like Atlanta, traffic sucks. At these daily appointments they have been watching my eggs grow and mature and waiting for just the perfect moment for me to take my trigger shot and perform the actual retrieval. I went today for an appointment and I have 10 good sized mature eggs that Dr. Perloe seemed very positive about. There are also a few smaller eggs that he thinks will mature by retrieval day. My personal nurse, Jessica Summers, will give me my trigger shot tonight and I go in Thursday morning for the procedure. Luckily I will be put to sleep and shouldn't feel a thing. They will then take my eggs put them in a dish and directly inject Travis' sperm. They will monitor the eggs and watch them fertilize over the next few days. Once they are ready, they will be transferred into my uterus, possibly Monday or Tuesday of next week. Dr. Perloe will be transferring two embryos into my uterus that day...fingers crossed for twins! I am so excited and anxious about having IVF done. I feel like one of the reasons we have struggled the past three years in conceiving is due to the mobility rate for his sperm. I feel like they just were not meeting up soon enough in order to mate. I feel that since the specialists are making the egg and sperm meet physically themselves, that this will be successful for us. I pray that my body accepts the babies and it leads to a healthy pregnancy and delivery. I'll be in touch....remember Travis and I throughout the coming days and continue pray for success along with us.

Until next time....

- BLT

Egg retrieval day!!

Hooray for good news!!

I went to the doctor Friday and was happy to find out that the cyst on my right ovary was gone! God i good! Everything else looked perfect and my blood work levels were perfect so I go the go ahead from my doctor to go ahead and officially begin the IVF process. Yay! The first step is I have to give myself an injection every night for the next 10 days or so. The medicines in the injection are supposed to help my eggs grow and mature and help me retain most of them. Naturally women produce lots of eggs each month, but just through natural causes our bodies usually only has one that has grown and matured and is released during ovulation. The medicine should trick my body into keeping that amount of eggs I have now. As of Friday I had a total of 21 egg sacks that had potential of growing. My doctor did say that they usually are not able to get 100% of the eggs to mature enough by egg retrieval day, but is still hopeful we have plenty when we need to retrieve them. I am very proud of myself because I have been giving myself my injections. I was worried this would be an issue for me because I am a huge wimp. But I have surprised myself doing them myself. I go back to the doctor on Tuesday March 12th in which will begin my monitoring appointments. I will go every other day for them to do an ultrasound and check to see how my eggs are progressing. Once my eggs are ready, I will give myself a trigger shot that will make my body ovulate, releasing my eggs. I will go in the next day or two and they will put me to sleep and retrieve my eggs. This party I am nervous about and I'm thankful for being put to sleep for the procedure. I can not put into words how excited I am to finally begin the process. I wish my honey was here to go through this with me, but I I know he is here for me even on the other side of the world. Thank you everyone for your prayers, support, and kind words. If not for you, I would be a total mess through this whole process. I will keep you updated as we continue to progress....so stay tuned!

Until next time....

-BLT

I am strong...

After I posted last week, I got a call from my nurse at the doctor. She told me that my blood work showed that my body was trying to ovulate, which was an explanation as to why the cyst was there and why it was a little bigger. I was excited to have an explanation as to why it was there!! The nurse had be give myself my trigger shot to make me ovulate and with the combination of that and my medication three times a day, the cyst should shrink or/and go away. Thanks to my personal nurse and long time best friend, Jessica for coming over and shooting me up! I go back next Friday and am believing the cyst is gone completely so that I can start the IVF process.

As some of you also know...my precious husband left this week to begin his contracting job overseas. He is now in Indiana for a week. He flies off to Kuwait Sunday and will fly to Afghanistan on Monday. Telling him good-bye was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. I try to be optimistic and positive for my friends when they are going through something, but I have to admit that I struggle to do that now as I face a year...365 days without my partner. I was like a leech attached to him while we was home last week and I will hold those seven days close to my heart the next year. Although I do get to see him in about six months, it is still such a long time to not see the one you love dearly. I know that we, as a couple, will be fine and the distance won't effect our relationship. We have such a strong relationship and marriage that some never experience. What will get me through this year is my faith and my strength.  I am a strong woman and I know that I will be fine while he is doing what is best for our family.

Until next time....


"When you make the sacrifice in marriage, you're sacrificing not to each other but to unity in a relationship." - Joseph Campbell

Discouragement...

So Travis and I went back to our fertility specialist, Dr. Perloe this morning to check the status of the cyst they found on my right ovary last week. The cyst is still there and a little bigger than last week. We are still on hold to officially begin the IVF process until we can shrink it or get rid of it which just breaks my heart. He has put me on Provera for two weeks and will check again March 8th. If there is still no change then he mentioned going in and removing the fluid himself....which just sounds painful, uncomfortable and causes me anxiety just thinking about it. I am believing in God that it will not come to that. This whole process has been very discouraging with so many highs and lows. I am so thankful to have all of you there for me every step of the way to lean on, talk to, and pray with me. When this little one or ones finally gets here I know they will truly be a blessing for Travis and I. I know we will appreciate and love them even more knowing the long road we had to travel in order to finally have them in our arms. When I go back in a few weeks, I'll post everyone an update on our progress.

Until then...keep the prayers coming for healing!

Here we go....

Welcome to The Toborg Family Blog. As Travis heads off to Afghanistan and I tackle life here alone for the upcoming year, I figured this would be the best way to keep everyone up to date on what is going on here with myself and as well as with Travis overseas. So...here we go!

When Travis took his job with Bosh Global in December I have to admit that I was not sure how to take the news that he would be going for a year overseas. I struggled with feelings of guilt and greed of wanting him here with me all while trying to be just as excited as he was for this amazing opportunity to further his aviation career. Needless to say I put away my selfishness and helped him prepare to leave for training in Virginia for a few months. Travis came home the day before Valentine's Day and I can't think of a better gift I could have  received from him! He will be home for a little over a week, he will go to Indiana for a week then go to Afghanistan until about February 2014. I will miss him terribly, but I know that we will be okay and we will survive this year because he have a passion for one another that not even distance can destroy. Our motto for the year will be" Distance means so little when someone means so much." I also know I have a huge support system here with me that will be for me no matter what!

Since Travis is leaving we had to decide what we were going to do about our desire to have children. As some of you know we had an insemination (IUI) in May 2011 that was unsuccessful. Travis was on some medicine for a few months and then he took this job which meant we had to come up with a plan fast if we wanted to make something happen before he left the states. With an increased count and a healthy uterus,Dr. Perloe believed we would be successful if we tried another IUI. So in January we had another IUI which again was unsuccessful. I refuse to go through another failed IUI, so we have decided and are blessed to be able to pursue invitro-fertilization (IVF). This is different from the IUI in the sense that the doctor will physically extract my eggs and inject them with Travis' sperm. They will put them in a dish and watch the egg fertilize for a few days and them transfer the embryo into my uterus in hopes that it will latch on and develop into a successful pregnancy. With this process comes lots of money, doctors visits, medicines, injections, and even more emotions. We went this past Friday for my baseline appointment and was supposed to begin injections, but we've hit a bump. I have a cyst on my right ovary that has developed which Dr. Perloe believes is from the unsuccessful IUI in January. I am now on some medication three times a day to help shrink the cyst so we can begin the IVF process. I go back this Friday to see if the medication worked. My nurse is fully confident that this medication will work and that this is just a small bump in the road.

With all these bumps and unsuccessful IUI procedures, I still know that I am destined to have children of my own. I know God has planned that for me. This whole process has tested my faith on so many different levels. I have struggled with finding peace in the things I cannot control, with this fertility issue being number one. I have learned I must put my faith in God and know that He will provide for me in His own timing. I am such a control freak and it's been  the hardest thing to let go and let God throughout this whole process. I know in order for this desire of my heart to become a reality I must let go....and let God do His work.

Until next time....